Edition 006: Join me on my good old fashioned existential crisis

In which I answer the age old question: “what is the meaning of [my] life?”

I have a life coach. He’s technically an executive coach, but in the 10 years I’ve been working with him, our work has run the gamut. And now he’s more than just a coach to me: he’s a dear friend, a confidant, and formally, a Spoak advisor. 

Finding a great mental/spiritual health professional is nearly as intimate as dating. It’s not just enough for them to be good at their job – they also have to fundamentally resonate with you: your value systems have to align; they have to be able to speak in a way that gets through to you.

I believe in soulmates – but my version isn’t limited to just one person. I believe that soulmates are, fundamentally, as the word describes: a kinship, a familiarity, on a soul-deep level with another human being. My husband is my soulmate. My daughter is my soulmate. And Devin, my coach, is also one of my soulmates.

He has seen me through the most challenging years of my life: the isolation and excitement of moving to Germany, taking the leap to found Spoak (and the myriad challenges along the way), and my husband and I’s many-years-long struggle with infertility, to name a few. 

He’s now the executive coach to Fortune 500 companies and world leaders. I’m not really sure why he still works with me. 😂 But don’t worry – I keep him busy!

One of our recurring themes is the spiritual paradox I feel between, on one hand, wanting to dedicate my life to changing the world for the better – solving climate change, making the world a better place for women – and, on the other, wanting to live a quiet, simple life making happy memories with my family, in a bubble largely protected from modern society. Every time over the years when I have stood at what felt like a fork in this road, I have brought it to Devin. Every time, he has asked me: “Does it have to be one or the other?”

While wrestling with this, we talked a lot about finding one’s life purpose. I felt that knowing what mine was would help me in these moments of existential crisis. To clarify my heart and intuition. As he once said to me: “When we are living a life of purpose, then most everything we do feels ‘on purpose.’ Ask yourself while having a conversation, watching a show, browsing social media, etc. Am I doing this ‘on purpose’? You’ll know.”

(To read more about why I think it’s so critical to understand your life purpose, read Devin’s “Want to know how to find your passion?” Huffington Post article here.) 

After a lot of self-reflection, I came to him quite unsettled. I felt strongly that my life’s purpose had something to do with beauty – it helped me understand why I wanted to found Spoak, why I felt so drawn to nature and the environment, why I often cried when I heard beautiful music, why my soul was so sensitive – but I was disappointed to discover it. It felt silly. Vain, even. 

Devin had a very different outlook (which, of course, is why we pay him the big bucks). He taught me that changing the world comes in three different buckets: 

1. The true. Think the sciences: curing diseases, creating vaccines, inventing robots that clean oceanic pollution.

2. The good. Think humanitarian efforts: nursing people to health, feeding and housing the homeless, volunteering your time or money to care for those less fortunate than you.

3. The beautiful. Think making the world a more beautiful place: preserving nature, protecting the arts and culture, encouraging wonder and gratitude, building positive communities.

Together, he helped me realize that helping others find beauty and joy in their own home, to stop – and literally – smell the roses, to find commonality in beautiful music or art – can change the world. To think otherwise is to dismiss the idea that small things can have a big impact. I refuse to live in a world where that’s true.

So when you’re feeling down – which it feels like everyone is these days – I encourage you to seek your purpose and know that no purpose is too silly or too small. 

If you’re not sure where to start, when you do an activity, or have a conversation, and it all feels so deeply good in your soul, like your bucket is filling, note it. It doesn’t have to be remarkable. It could be someone you love to follow on Insta and were never sure why, or a Substack you love to read, or a conversation topic you love to dig into with your loved ones. These are what Devin calls “forms” of your purpose. My forms were walking in nature, picking flower bouquets, going to the theater, listening to beautiful music, decorating my house, and showing up to build Spoak. 

Forms change over time, but the “essence” of your purpose does not. Eventually, once you note your forms enough, a pattern will emerge. That pattern is an insight into the essence of your purpose. 

To quote Devin’s article: following your heart is a muscle. It gets stronger with use. I can’t wait to see how you feel when you exercise it :) 

xo
Hilah